The 10 Instructions for Emotional Intelligence



Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify emotions (in both yourself and others), to recognize the powerful effects of those emotions, and to use that information to inform and guide behavior.

It begins with learning how emotions work, but it goes much further. Specifically, how do you start putting that knowledge into practice?

1.You should consider your feelings.

Emotional Intelligence originates by learning to ask the right questions, like “What is my current mood, and how might that influence my decisions today?” or

“What are my strengths and weaknesses?”

This is one way to begin building self-awareness, which will yield valuable insights that can be used to your advantage.


2.You should learn from other standpoints.

When listening to others, do not focus on right or wrong; rather, work to understand how perceptions differ, and the reasons behind this.


3.You should learn to “pause.”

“The pause” is as simple as taking a moment to stop and think before you act or speak.

Don’t expect perfection. But practice consistently, and the pause will prevent you embarrassment and could save countless relationships.

4.You should practice empathy.

Instead of judging or labeling others, work hard to see things through their eyes. Ask questions like, “Why does this person feel this way?” and “What’s going on behind the scenes?”

5.You should praise others.

By focusing on the good in others, and then specifically telling them what you appreciate, you inspire others to be the best version of themselves.

6.You should ask for an apology.

“I’m sorry” can be the two most difficult words to say. But they can also be the most powerful.

Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when appropriate, and you’ll develop qualities like humility and authenticity, naturally drawing others to you.

7.You should forgive

Refusing to forgive is like leaving a knife in a wound–you never give yourself the chance to heal.

Instead of hanging on to resentment while the offending party moves on with his or her life, forgiving gives you the chance to move on, too.

8.You should not check others in time.

Refuse the temptation to judge others too quickly, without considering context and extenuating circumstances.

Instead, make it a practice to consistently and honestly re-evaluate your relationships, and you’ll be sure to get the most out of them.

9.You should have full control over your thoughts.

When you experience a negative situation, you may not have much control over your feelings. But by focusing on your thoughts, you can control your reaction to those feelings.

As the saying goes: “You can’t stop a bird from landing on your head. But you can keep it from building a nest.”

When you focus on your thinking, you resist becoming a slave to your emotions. Instead, you acknowledge those feelings and can then move forward in a way that’s in harmony with your goals and values.

10.You should not stop learning.

Emotional intelligence isn’t about achieving perfection, or reaching a certain level of “EQ.” It’s about continuous learning and gro